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When reports emerged that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, families grappling with a child’s substance use are concerned the dialogue will center on an exceedingly rare act of violence rather than the more widespread dangers of the disease.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They only knew the Reiners by their work, yet they feel a connection: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones didn’t survive the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s addiction, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to medical care or death, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really dangerous and the potential for harming others.”

She also advised against making assumptions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether substance use or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from prison, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of illness, you can overcome this disease, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”